Picking Yourself Back Up

So, right now kind of sucks. It just seems to be one thing after another, and everything just keeps piling up, leaving me in this state of overwhelm I simply can’t see a way out of. There are so many things to do and so many places to be, I feel like I don’t have a second to breathe. And then when I do have a second to breathe, I waste my very limited time and it just ends up making me feel worse. I don’t know how I’m going to fix it right now, and I don’t know where to even start. What I do know is that I’m not alone in feeling this way. Something else I know is that the only way to get through it is one step at a time. So what this post is going to be is us walking through it together. I don’t have all of the answers, and I’m not even sure how “right” the answers I do have are. But- they’ve worked for me before so I’m hoping that a) they work for me again, and b) they help you out too. I don’t know much- but here’s what I do know. 

I know that taking time to take care of yourself is a priority. I know that without making time to love and care for yourself, you simply can’t make it. It’s really hard when you’re busy, especially when things just keep piling up that you have to get done, but it’s a non-negotiable and I’ve learned that you don’t get very far without it. Even if it’s just 30 minutes a day, you have to take that time for you. You can use that time taking a hot bath- relaxing your body and mind (unfortunately probably not if you’re in college- I wouldn’t trust communal baths), read a few chapters of a book you enjoy, take a short walk outside, do a mini guided workout on youtube- just to get your body moving, do a little yoga, a guided meditation (those have helped me a lot in the past), go on a run if that’s your thing, literally whatever makes you happy and nourishes your body and/or soul. For me, that’s going to look like taking a little time each day to read- I’m currently reading Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies by Tara Schuster. The author herself describes it as a guide to “becoming a ninja of self-love.” Anyway, without taking a little time for yourself everyday- I’ve.. uhm… heard- that you’re going to get burnt out and end up having a breakdown. 

I know that looking too far in the future makes overwhelm a thousand times worse. I know that taking things step by step and day by day is far more beneficial in the long run. I’ve been guilty of this for years- looking too far down the road and getting overwhelmed and freaked out for no reason. I was talking to someone super important in my life a couple of years ago about this, and she told me that everytime I start to look past tomorrow (in most areas- note that this doesn’t apply to everything) I have to picture a big red stop sign in my mind. And I really have been- ever since she said that- or I do my best to & it helps me when I do. For example, if you’re going on a first date and you’re an anxious person who likes to plan- you’re probably already worried about if he likes you or your potential future with this guy and everything that could go wrong. However, in all reality, you don’t even know if YOU like HIM yet. That’s why in this scenario, when you start looking past date #1, you have to picture a big red stop sign covering all of those anxious thoughts. You’re starting a new class and already worried you’re going to flunk the final? You don’t even know if you’re going to understand the material yet- and you very well could!! So when you’re new to the class and already anxious about the final? Big red stop sign. 

I know all of my feelings are valid, and telling myself that they aren’t is only going to make them worse. I’m someone that has struggled with/struggles with imposter syndrome ALL. THE. TIME. If you don’t know what that means- our super-trustworthy-super-scholarly friend Wikipedia defines it as “a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.” I would’ve found a definition somewhere other than Wikipedia, but I truly think it couldn’t have been said better. I feel like a lot of people struggle with this, and logically we should know there’s no reason to. Are you really upset today- but nothing in particular happened? You might feel like a fraud for that, or like you’re being overdramatic about nothing. But you aren’t. Some days are bad, and that’s okay. Your dog doesn’t have to have died for you to be really upset for a day or two. Once you realize that’s valid, it’s easier to deal with. If you don’t and you instead spend your time beating yourself up for feeling that way and telling yourself you’re stupid or lazy or dramatic, you’re going to start believing it. Know that your feelings are valid, regardless of how you think you should feel, or how someone else thinks you should be feeling. 

I know that negative self talk is very dangerous. It almost always starts out as a joke. You don’t want to seem like an ego-maniac, and you want to recognize places in which you’ve gone wrong- so you make fun of yourself to others or make self-deprecating comments. I personally think that it’s so relevant right now- because it’s a large part of a lot of people’s humor. At least in my opinion, I think it is. It might be funny at the moment, or you may think it is, but when you keep telling yourself those things- you start to believe them. It’s inevitable. If you leave your accounting class every week and spend your entire walk back from it insulting yourself and making yourself feel stupid by thinking “well if I wasn’t so, ____ then I would’ve understood it and I’d be passing”, then respectfully there’s no way you do well in that class. Think about how differently it would go if you spent that time thinking “okay so I didn’t cover as much of chapter 9 as I should’ve, but I did really well on the content from chapter 8.” You’d be so much more inclined to do well because you aren’t going to get as burnt out and frustrated as fast. You’re celebrating the small things while simultaneously acknowledging that you have room to improve too. On a related note- think about what it does to your mental if you wake up everyday and tell yourself you’re ugly. NO ONE ELSE THINKS YOU’RE UGLY. OKAY? By doing that, you’re going to start off every day feeling insecure and lowkey upset. You’re also going to really genuinely believe it- it doesn’t take long to start believing it when you’re telling yourself that often. What if you replaced that with waking up, looking at yourself, and thinking “WOAH I WOKE UP EVEN MORE GORGEOUS TODAY… how am I so lucky??” I know it’s hard to look at yourself and think that sometimes, especially fresh out of bed in the morning, but honestly- fake it till you make it. Try finding features you love about yourself, compliment five different things. If you’re not there yet- just keep telling yourself you are and I swear that eventually you will be. I know they’re not the most popular thing and a lot of people think they’re cheesy- but this is why affirmations work- for the same reason that negative self-talk does in the adverse way. Repeat something enough and you’ll start to believe it. 

These are just a few things I learned- and I know that they’re all much easier said than done. It can be overwhelming to try to pick yourself up and put the pieces back together when you feel like you’re so far down. But it’s simply about putting the pieces back together one by one. One day at a time, step by step. You don’t have to be perfect tomorrow, just strive to be 1% better. If you get 1% better every day for a year, you’re more than three times the person that you were. That’s something to strive for. I hope reading this helped you even if it was in the most minor way, and just know that you aren’t alone- everyone gets down bad sometimes. Life is just about learning what works for you to get back up.